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Spocko at the Helm    
(With apologies to Gene Roddenberry and Ernest Lawrence Thayer)

It looked extremely rocky for the ship on that star-date,
With Klingons all around them, Kirk was in a dire strait,
For Sulu'd failed with phasers, heck if Bones knew what to do --
Uhuru messaged Star Fleet but they hadn't any clue.

A desperate few among the crew pursued "the final path,"
Leaving there the braver souls to face the Klingons' wrath.
Those remaining said if only good ol' Spock could be there then
They'd bet their quadloos ten-to-one with Spocko at the helm.

Spock was in the shuttlecraft when the disaster hit,
Powerless on the planet below, with naught to do but sit.
Out of gas, without a chance of getting in the fight,
Spock was truly helpless then, and that the starship's plight.

But Scotty went to work and quickly evened-up the score
Repairing the transporter which would bring Spock to the floor,
And when the beaming finished and the mass materialized
There stood the calm Commander with the crafty ears and eyes!

Then from the relieved crew was voiced aloud a joyous "YAY!"
It rumbled through the rec hall and it rattled through Sick Bay.
It struck across the Holo-deck from shouts of extras overwhelmed,
For Spocko, Mighty Spocko, was advancing to the helm!

A hundred million eyes were on him as he faced his blinking screen,
As he quoted from his script some words a billion trekkies screamed,
But when responding to the data, quite expressionless he looked,
No stranger on the bridge could doubt that Star Fleet's goose was cooked.

But Spock wouldn't give up easily, he'd give an honest try,
For three torpedoes still were left, and those to do or die.
He took fresh sensor readings, preparing for the fray,
Made a few small calculations, clicked, and ad-libbed "Bombs away!"

The shot missed by a parsec, but at least he had two more
With which it seemed most certain he would make a perfect score.
Still, some fans rose up in anger at the inference Spock could err,
But the Vulcan's steely confidence put them back into their chairs.

The second miss was ludicrous!  The fans couldn't let it slide!
They rallyed 'round to storm the set and tan the writer's hide!
"Kill him! Kill the Director!" shouted someone near the stage,
But a scornful look from Shatner quickly quelled the madman's rage.

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A make-up man approaches Spock and powders up his nose
The sweat drips down his forehead and it trickles in his clothes.
He stares into the camera with a single eyebrow strained
And we all know that our superstar won't "screw the pooch" again.

We see Spock's face turn blue, then green, from little flashing lights.
His eyes both seem to sparkle and his muscles all grow tight.
He triangulates (all in his head!) and arms the torpedo,
Then all time and space are shattered by the forceful final blow.

O somewhere in this galaxy the viewers watch TV
With "Lost in Space" and "Dr. Who" and "Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea,"
And somewhere it's "Galactica," and the viewers have their fun,
But there is no joy for Star Trek fans — the Klingons have finally won.

˜ John Granacki
  Morgan Hill, California